[exhale]
Last night I resigned my position as associate pastor here at Foothills Community Church. Finally, I can talk about it. I've been pretty sure about my decision for weeks, and it's been psycho-hard for me not to talk about it here on my weblog, which is pretty much my favourite place to express myself. But last night was the first night it worked for the church to get together and talk. So it's out. I'm planning to move home to Dalmeny sometime around the end of November.
Wow. I have to be careful or this will turn into a really long post. This weblog has taught me how long-winded I truly am. I used to marvel at the thought of preaching for half an hour, and now I pare down my sermons from 45 and 50 minutes. So I won't go into too many details. While I was on holidays this summer, the church had decided, through a somewhat confusing voting process, to discontinue the position of associate pastor in our church (which makes sense, practically, because there are only about 60 people in the church; we only really need one pastor). There was some sort of an offer floating out there for me to be a children's minister to the community, and I truly considered that. I prayed a lot and tried to hear God, and this is what I came up with. Time to move on.
It'll be weird to live at home. It'll be weird to look for a job. And I want to go to university, but I don't know what I want to study. This is all very humbling and disconcerting for me - not knowing what's happening next.
Anyway, I could write about this for reams and reams, but I'm going to stop. I'm sure it will come up again in the future.
Right now I'm listening to Steve Bell sing Bruce Cockburn's "All the Diamonds", from Steve's album Simple Songs. One of my favorite songs in all of the world. It carries you away. Makes you wish you were by the ocean; wind and salt and weeds and spray, all at about 6 on a cool autumn evening.
I've started walking to and from work, partly because all the things I own with wheels seem to be falling apart, but mostly because it feels so good to walk. It takes me almost 20 minutes one way, and it gives me a lot of time to just absorb the world. I can't call it thinking, or really figuring stuff out, because that sounds too much like work. My walk is my time to take in the world. On my way home for supper today, I realized that I had pretty much forgotten autumn existed. I've lived so much in the moment and in my mind the last six weeks that autumn has really seemed to "fall" all around me this year, settling into my line of sight; not especially quickly, but fast enough to make the realization sudden, and a little breath-taking. The leaves were beautiful today. The air was so crisp and flavourful, a little moist, and not as dusty as the prairie air. The air really tasted like snow today, if air can taste like snow. And everything feels grey, even with all the waking yellows, sleepy greens and the dreamy yellow green that seems to be yawning somewhere in between. It really is beautiful here, and it's going to hurt to leave. I'm afraid the pain of leaving will be a popular topic for the weeks to come.
So that's the news, friends. I'm trying to do my best to hear the LORD and take the path He has for me. I'm trying hard to be open and just keep living with God. I don't seem to have a lot to offer, but He's sure taking good care of me.
Time to walk home again. Sleep well.
Wow. I have to be careful or this will turn into a really long post. This weblog has taught me how long-winded I truly am. I used to marvel at the thought of preaching for half an hour, and now I pare down my sermons from 45 and 50 minutes. So I won't go into too many details. While I was on holidays this summer, the church had decided, through a somewhat confusing voting process, to discontinue the position of associate pastor in our church (which makes sense, practically, because there are only about 60 people in the church; we only really need one pastor). There was some sort of an offer floating out there for me to be a children's minister to the community, and I truly considered that. I prayed a lot and tried to hear God, and this is what I came up with. Time to move on.
It'll be weird to live at home. It'll be weird to look for a job. And I want to go to university, but I don't know what I want to study. This is all very humbling and disconcerting for me - not knowing what's happening next.
Anyway, I could write about this for reams and reams, but I'm going to stop. I'm sure it will come up again in the future.
Right now I'm listening to Steve Bell sing Bruce Cockburn's "All the Diamonds", from Steve's album Simple Songs. One of my favorite songs in all of the world. It carries you away. Makes you wish you were by the ocean; wind and salt and weeds and spray, all at about 6 on a cool autumn evening.
I've started walking to and from work, partly because all the things I own with wheels seem to be falling apart, but mostly because it feels so good to walk. It takes me almost 20 minutes one way, and it gives me a lot of time to just absorb the world. I can't call it thinking, or really figuring stuff out, because that sounds too much like work. My walk is my time to take in the world. On my way home for supper today, I realized that I had pretty much forgotten autumn existed. I've lived so much in the moment and in my mind the last six weeks that autumn has really seemed to "fall" all around me this year, settling into my line of sight; not especially quickly, but fast enough to make the realization sudden, and a little breath-taking. The leaves were beautiful today. The air was so crisp and flavourful, a little moist, and not as dusty as the prairie air. The air really tasted like snow today, if air can taste like snow. And everything feels grey, even with all the waking yellows, sleepy greens and the dreamy yellow green that seems to be yawning somewhere in between. It really is beautiful here, and it's going to hurt to leave. I'm afraid the pain of leaving will be a popular topic for the weeks to come.
So that's the news, friends. I'm trying to do my best to hear the LORD and take the path He has for me. I'm trying hard to be open and just keep living with God. I don't seem to have a lot to offer, but He's sure taking good care of me.
Time to walk home again. Sleep well.
posted by Simon at 9:56 PM
9 Comments:
Best of luck to you, my friend.
If you ever want to talk about university, drop me a line.
we look forward to seeing you back in sunny saskatchewan...praying for you
That is a huge decision, but I sense it is the right one. It will be cool to be back home again, even though it will be hard to know where to go from there. I envy you! You will have so much freedom to do whatever you want to pursue.
Looking forward to (hopefully?) seeing you on the T-weekend.
Ciaou
Plans have changed for Tgiving, Camille. I'm actually going to stick around here. But I'm looking forward to hanging out with you and Andrew once I'm back in the area in December.
Glad to hear things are working out. You're on my mind,
simon - i know that must have been a tough decision to make! we'll be thinking about ya as you make the move back here & as you decide what is next. you are super talented & super passionate and i just pray that God will find a great place to use you!! Good luck buddy!
I'm selfishly glad that you will be home so that when I visit, I'll be able to see you all. Something about you being my provincial next door neighbour makes me a lot happier than having a whole province between us. I have a better idea though: move out here!!!
or stay at home for at least a little while. i miss you.
Keep following the wind old friend...Go with your boots on...
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