rest + guilt
This morning I slept until 10:30am, and I didn't leave the house until 3:00pm. It felt so lovely to wake up naturally, watch a stupid movie, and then another one, and then fry bacon. Here's something that I'm apparently not good at: choosing bacon that actually has a high percentage of bacon in it. The package I bought yesterday turned out to be about 70% fat and 30% bacon. Did I learn nothing from my mother? Anyway, I made the best of it, and scrambled eggs with marble cheese in the still greasy pan for an ugly yet tasty finish. Then I defrosted a couple of the cornmeal muffins that I made last week (out of a box) and had a spot-on breakfast .... at 2:00 in the afternoon .... while watching Drumline. Man I wish I could play like those guys. But I don't think I could endure the uniforms. Then I walked to the office and sat down in front of the computer. That was about two hours ago.
The bottom line is, I have relaxed to the max today, and yet I feel a little guilty. The sun is out today, the clouds are scattery, and it feels hot, with a splash of autumn - the PERFECT weather for hiking. And my bum has hardly left the earth today. But I just couldn't do it. I even looked through my Hiker's Bible in a weak effort to choose a hike in nearby Waterton Lakes National Park, but I just couldn't do it. I have needed this day for so long; I just have to convince myself that it's okay to take a break once in a while.
I preached yesterday for the fifth Sunday in a row. I guess for seasoned pastors (read those last two words from the perspective of a predatorial carnivore for a different feel) five Sundays is small potatoes, but for me it's a big deal. And I'm pooped. And I'm glad it's over. Now I have at least one Sunday off, and most of the church is going up to Camp Evergreen for a retreat thing. Should be a blast, at least on a subdued level.
So I guess it's okay that I did nothing today. I even had plans to do some interweb banking at the office, until I realized I'd left my chequebook at home. The expletive was not necessary, but it happened anyway.
Last night was poker night and a friend was picking random words and challenging me to sing a song with the word in it. I was doing pretty good until "subdued." If anyone knows a song with the word "subdued" in it, I'd appreciate a tip. Pretty much my whole life is on the line.
So I think I'll go home now, maybe take the long way, hopefully spend a little time opening my thoughts to God (that usually helps put a little peace into my perspective).
Maybe I'll convince myself to blow the wad on a little gas-o-line and lead my limping car out to Waterton for a quiet evening by a lake.
I hope your Labour Day has been no more labourious than mine, and that September isn't too much of a race against time.
The bottom line is, I have relaxed to the max today, and yet I feel a little guilty. The sun is out today, the clouds are scattery, and it feels hot, with a splash of autumn - the PERFECT weather for hiking. And my bum has hardly left the earth today. But I just couldn't do it. I even looked through my Hiker's Bible in a weak effort to choose a hike in nearby Waterton Lakes National Park, but I just couldn't do it. I have needed this day for so long; I just have to convince myself that it's okay to take a break once in a while.
I preached yesterday for the fifth Sunday in a row. I guess for seasoned pastors (read those last two words from the perspective of a predatorial carnivore for a different feel) five Sundays is small potatoes, but for me it's a big deal. And I'm pooped. And I'm glad it's over. Now I have at least one Sunday off, and most of the church is going up to Camp Evergreen for a retreat thing. Should be a blast, at least on a subdued level.
So I guess it's okay that I did nothing today. I even had plans to do some interweb banking at the office, until I realized I'd left my chequebook at home. The expletive was not necessary, but it happened anyway.
Last night was poker night and a friend was picking random words and challenging me to sing a song with the word in it. I was doing pretty good until "subdued." If anyone knows a song with the word "subdued" in it, I'd appreciate a tip. Pretty much my whole life is on the line.
So I think I'll go home now, maybe take the long way, hopefully spend a little time opening my thoughts to God (that usually helps put a little peace into my perspective).
Maybe I'll convince myself to blow the wad on a little gas-o-line and lead my limping car out to Waterton for a quiet evening by a lake.
I hope your Labour Day has been no more labourious than mine, and that September isn't too much of a race against time.
posted by Simon at 5:18 PM
3 Comments:
guilt guilt guilt...what is up with this guilt trip that our mennonite heritage seems to be plagued with?
Wow, Camille. Interesting connection. I'd love to chat with you sometime about that. I know I've sensed it in our extended family; I'd love to hear your perspective.
seasoned pastors? that just made my day
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